Just Keep Me Home

(To be sung to the tune of an old John Denver song "Forest Lawn")

Oh, please don't send me off to school, just keep me home,

Where the only bell's my telephone.

I know it can't all be fun,

But don't electives start in grade one?

And though on occasion I might still fuss,

I'll never have to ride a yellow prison bus!

I want to learn at home where I belong,

Where I can have a snack and sing a song;

Where gardening is the rule,

And shootin' a flintlock counts as school...

Don't send me off to school-- 

Just keep me home.

Oh, keep me home where I can learn 'cause it's always quiet,

Well, except for brother and sister who always fi-ette.

And if the teacher spanks a kid for acting really rude,

She doesn't come to school next day

to find that she is being sued!

At home there's hands-on learning we could do;

I'll build a Roman catapult for you.

I'll win a science prize,

Plus see how far the baby flies!

So don't send me off to school--

Just keep me home.

Oh, keep me home 'cause I'll be good -- not what you've feared,

Though I know some friends and family will think we're weird.

Granny's so concerned 'bout all I might not learn,

But won't she think I'm mighty smart

When my SAT score's off the chart?

I want to learn at home, you'll be surprised,

I really won't be under-socialized;

And Dad can pat the teacher's rear

Even though my mama's standing near!

So don't send me off to school-- 

Just keep me home!